tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32297227.post5447501761629981671..comments2010-10-11T19:07:15.913-04:00Marisa Birnshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17945909737147497606noreply@blogger.comBlogger40125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32297227.post-68087431284827813082010-10-11T19:07:15.913-04:002010-10-11T19:07:15.913-04:00Sorry I&#39;m late getting to this. Wow. I felt the foreboding near the end of the story, but not until after feeling the emotions of someone who must deal with a parent who is in pain and delusional. To have that questioned strongly at the end was just...great storytelling. :) Excellent.Melissahttp://windspiritgirl.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32297227.post-27430600343095911302010-10-06T18:27:30.862-04:002010-10-06T18:27:30.862-04:00I love the ambiguity of that ending. Is he being tortured, or isn&#39;t he? Very well done.Icy Sedgwickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11501193571425442406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32297227.post-89590016679150217302010-10-06T16:51:15.307-04:002010-10-06T16:51:15.307-04:00Beautifully written. You take the helplessness and anger and fear and all those emotions that wrap up an invalid and age... and you toss it together with grace. Amazing!Aletahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05605214202876973830noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32297227.post-42916084126755175802010-10-05T00:34:27.329-04:002010-10-05T00:34:27.329-04:00hello alice, <br /><br />i liked the ambiguity, and the ending. and the beginning, beyond numbers was very descriptive so the scene was laid out very clearly. i enjoyed that. <br /><br />but, this sentence here: &quot;Always was a bit of a diva – for a man, she thought and laughed&quot; made me go back and read and re-read again and again as I thought it interrupted the flow. I didn&#39;t know who was saying it. <br /><br />Other than that, i liked the morbid undertone, like hospitals... <br /><br />~the hatter.a.q.s.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08801359148548205987noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32297227.post-9980710964822434342010-10-01T08:04:08.084-04:002010-10-01T08:04:08.084-04:00The countdown was awesome and the ending was OMG creepy! Great story Marisa! Loved it!Jordan Drewhttp://www.jordandrew.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32297227.post-78191952550129831002010-09-28T15:25:32.270-04:002010-09-28T15:25:32.270-04:00This is heartbreaking. Good writing.Elisabeth Blackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08962421339750272755noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32297227.post-40872319123752105682010-09-27T09:56:05.730-04:002010-09-27T09:56:05.730-04:00The torture is real to him, I guess and that&#39;s what counts. I like the no-nonsense feel to this. I also like the way they have no names and it&#39;s not totally clear what the relationship is. He is getting old and she is responsible for him and she gets to walk away after a visit...rachelcarter.mehttp://rachelcarter.me/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32297227.post-15987221848775334232010-09-26T17:05:23.840-04:002010-09-26T17:05:23.840-04:00Nice job, Marisa. I love the way it opens with counting down the days and the closing line is fantastic.daniellelapagliahttp://daniellelapaglia.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32297227.post-42656493640674565212010-09-26T16:52:47.825-04:002010-09-26T16:52:47.825-04:00It may as well be called torture, from his point of view, but I like the diva line - her point of view.Mark Kerstetterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13307987573435067415noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32297227.post-33689179282672623352010-09-26T12:47:23.555-04:002010-09-26T12:47:23.555-04:00Though hospitals can often be highly unpleasant places, and even sometimes purveyors of torture, that sure isn&#39;t the case here. <br /><br />I don&#39;t see ambiguity. I see a woman (wife maybe, or daughter) who has to some degree put up with the disagreeableness of this man all or most of her life.<br /><br />If anyone has been tortured, it&#39;s been her. And through this experience in the hospital she now realizes she has done her best and can&#39;t do any more. She can walk out into the sunshine. He never will.<br /><br />(Damn, I sound profound here! I ought to be writing brainy stuff like you, Marisa, instead of selling out to shlock comedy.)<br /><br />In any event, once again, Marisa, you demonstrate why you&#39;re one of the best writers on the planet!Perry Blockhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13439590071776264237noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32297227.post-32783613487623291042010-09-26T09:56:09.244-04:002010-09-26T09:56:09.244-04:00Creepy! Hospitals make me shudder, yuck. And the build up to the end was perfect.A. M. Hartehttp://amharte.com/blognoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32297227.post-5543676970088890352010-09-26T09:40:59.130-04:002010-09-26T09:40:59.130-04:00Oh my gosh! What?<br />What next?<br />Are they torturing him?<br />Is he senile?<br />Tell. Me NOW!!!bsainhttp://bsain.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32297227.post-80286680429953647692010-09-25T14:26:05.578-04:002010-09-25T14:26:05.578-04:00I was at work one and realized I didn&#39;t have anything to read on my two hour bus ride home. I thought of you and printed out 4 of your stories. Like this one all of them made me think, pulled me totally in. Love your writing.<br />Let us know if you ever do a full lenght novel. Would be wonderful I am sure.Analisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05572966946453192369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32297227.post-36521651866547917052010-09-25T11:48:46.610-04:002010-09-25T11:48:46.610-04:00Oh, man...is he really being tortured? Hmmm...this one will play on my mind all day and remind me why I don&#39;t like to enter hospitals!Alan W. Davidsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17067022519729701245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32297227.post-17659489702939232332010-09-25T08:36:53.599-04:002010-09-25T08:36:53.599-04:00Great ending. It leaves you wondering still if the torture is real or in his mind. Loved the countdown.Helen Gingerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09794759602654727110noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32297227.post-3326124779407548242010-09-24T23:59:25.210-04:002010-09-24T23:59:25.210-04:00I like the open-endedness of this. It really gives it a sense of foreboding, but perhaps, on the other hand, maybe the patient is making it all up. Something is there, lingering under the surface of this piece, and I like it. Great job.Rachel Blackbirdsonghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02246966713076881105noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32297227.post-85286247776257887142010-09-24T23:40:52.015-04:002010-09-24T23:40:52.015-04:00Yep, the countdown worked for me too. I like it how you had the man blaming the woman - I think this happens a lot!Lily Mulhollandhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09804113718224654006noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32297227.post-10381985138234596552010-09-24T21:12:18.624-04:002010-09-24T21:12:18.624-04:00Great use of ambiguity. Health care IS torture, and often leaves us worse off then before we received care. Chilling little story -- not sure enjoyed is the word, but definitely mesmerized. Great stuff! Peace...Lindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01110078016784294934noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32297227.post-62277821362387199512010-09-24T19:27:48.385-04:002010-09-24T19:27:48.385-04:00You left us hanging, but in a good way. I liked this! The poor woman being abused by an ungrateful patient, and yet... <br /><br />Nicely written.ganymederhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14160039271069426174noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32297227.post-67241878582012363612010-09-24T19:09:41.286-04:002010-09-24T19:09:41.286-04:00Torture? What torture?<br />How can you leave us hanging like that?<br />What torture!?? <br />Literal? Non-literal?<br />You know what... Doesn&#39;t matter. You&#39;ve got us wondering. And told so well. I love the restraint.ModernDayStorytellerhttp://moderndaystoryteller.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32297227.post-47005875689494465192010-09-24T18:39:35.275-04:002010-09-24T18:39:35.275-04:00I just came from Valerie&#39;s and Eric&#39;s. This week sort of confirmed a feeling that there&#39;s a collective consciousness on the #FridayFlash community. One week&#39;s stories are mostly funny, the others are touching, sometimes bloody, and this one is gory.<br /><br />Great story though. As Eric, I like your countdown, but I specially like how you portrait the patient. A difficult person that feels very real. Great job! <br /><br />p.s.: I&#39;m kind of annoyed at the ambiguity, I don&#39;t want the torture to be literal...Marihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07303695124956391293noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32297227.post-68717219500504027292010-09-24T18:39:15.999-04:002010-09-24T18:39:15.999-04:00I also like the countdown. I wonder what would happen if it ended with a final count? Just Curious. Empathetic story. I feel the same as him :DGalen Sanfordhttp://galenwrites.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32297227.post-21008775425070550372010-09-24T17:51:51.697-04:002010-09-24T17:51:51.697-04:00Love the ambiguity of this! Hospitals...shudder.Laura Enohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09982794146667832204noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32297227.post-51244140365122236632010-09-24T17:23:29.390-04:002010-09-24T17:23:29.390-04:00You see, I knew I hated hospitals for a reason.<br /><br />Perfect setup, perfect voices for both characters, perfect ending. Perfect story.Graciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04548995059233308982noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32297227.post-30163871328552197242010-09-24T16:17:24.296-04:002010-09-24T16:17:24.296-04:00Love it!! I really enjoy stories like this where the person who seems &#39;crazy&#39; is right. Well done.V.R. Leavitthttp://www.vrleavitt.comnoreply@blogger.com