Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Once upon a time, Alice was very punctual and her days began at the same time every morning, and she was pleased. For many years she was. Then one day, after moving into the rabbit hole, she misplaced the sense of time. Mad Hatter would lose his keys or his glasses as hatters are wont to do, and he would include Alice in looking for them but he never helped her when she needed a search party for her lost time.
MAD HATTER: Have you seen my new glasses? I’ve been looking for hours!
MAD HATTER: Well? Why didn’t you tell me hours ago. Where are they?
ALICE: On your face.
And so they were.
MAD HATTER: Have you seen the keys to the car? I’ve been looking for hours!
MAD HATTER: Well? Well?
ALICE: In the ignition.
MAD HATTER: What! But the car is locked!
MAD HATTER: Now what?
ALICE: What time is it?
It never was the time it was supposed to be. Mad Hatter would tell Alice one night that they were going to drive somewhere the next morning and they would be leaving at 10:30 a.m. But at 8 a.m., Mad Hatter would come into the room and announce that they were heading out in half an hour.
ALICE: But that would make it only 8:30 and you had said 10:30. I’m not ready.
MAD HATTER: Well, I thought about it and I changed my mind. Now don't think that it's just because I can get a Nathan's hot dog sooner. Oh, no. 8:30 is just infinitely superior to 10:30.
ALICE: I see.
MAD HATTER: Just pretend that it’s 10:00 and we’re leaving in half an hour.
As Alice packed, she pretended that it was many years later (alright, not that many actually) and that Mad Hatter was no longer among the living.
Last week, Alice returned from a trip abroad and learned that it wasn’t the time she thought it was because the country had sprung forward. She had forgotten about that so all her clocks were off by one hour. And she couldn’t consult the White Rabbit because all he ever told her was that it was late.
So imagine Alice’s relief when she found a clock, a perfect clock.
At last Alice has found her sense of time and it is perfectly suited for her life in the rabbit hole. And she is pleased.