Thursday, October 08, 2009

Indulgence - #fridayflash




It’s not like I killed anybody. Or cheated with my neighbor, for God’s sake! I’m here because it’s the end of the week. You know that. 
So, what should I tell you? Oh! I’ve managed not to go camping with my friends this year. It’s not easy because everybody I know loves to pitch tents and hang out with Nature. Me? I don’t like crowded living spaces or the lack of privacy or the stupid bugs or that burying of human waste. Yeah. Not good. 
Once there, there’s so much work to do! It’s not relaxing. First, you have to find the perfect spot. This takes us all morning, and then we have to set up the tents. Directions claim it’s easy: just put a into b, then twist into c, then – several hours later – point to q. Then scream and throw into the stream.  
Well, that’s how I do it. 
At this point it’s dusk, and it’s now that people figure out something’s missing. Hot dogs? Marshmallows? Scary stories? Vodka? Hope not. After all, Grandma is with us. Oh, please, not…toilet paper?  
It’s matches. Apparently no one smokes anymore.
Of course my friends want to fish for dinner. You would know all about fish, right? Anyway, this part sounded like fun that first time. I thought, how hard is it to stand on the rocks of the rushing water and catch the fish as they jump into your arms? I’ve seen the nature shows, and the bears do it all the time. I was sure my friends were smarter than the average bear. But that’s not how they do it. They prefer the hard way.
Once, I was forced to read a ‘How To’ dig a latrine. It said the hole should be six to eight inches deep. Ugh. I mean, unless I had a ruler, how would I know when to stop? Though I guess I could walk around and look at the guys at the next camp and figure out which one might measure up to … um… never mind.
Oh, sorry Father Thomas. No, I didn’t forget or suffer a stroke of stupidity, why do you ask?
Of course I know I’m supposed to be confessing my sins! But I’ve been really good since that last time, and don’t have anything to update in the evil department. So my thinking was that…
What? Surely not!
Sorry. I’ll go start on all those penances right away.
Damn.
I mean, Amen.

20 comments:

  1. Indulgence indeed. Penances ARE superior to roughing it in the wilds (unless you have an air mattress). Fun piece, lively voice. Peace, Linda

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  2. I sometimes feel that way about camping too. Funny piece.

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  3. My thoughts on camping exactly! Great story!

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  4. probably the easiest confession the priest heard all morning...
    fun!
    :0)

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  5. I also dislike camping. Great job.

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  6. So funny. Love the part about the tent. Great!!!

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  7. The tent was hilarious. This was a lively, funny and adorable piece of work. One of my favorites this week. =)

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  8. Amen! Give me a hotel room any day...lol. I can just see the priest rolling his eyes at her. Great sense of humor & fun flash!

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  9. I have had some god times camping, but I really like this story too.

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  10. This was so funny. Perhaps because it felt a lot like you'd written about me. I am NOT a camper.

    Helen
    Straight From Hel

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  11. Those are my exact feelings about camping...peeing in the woods with the possibility of having bugs crawl on me at certain moments...oh no...I'll camp in my living room thank you! Loved your piece.

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  12. HA! I am the same way... it's some sick twisted person's idea of fun.

    I don't like to touch the bait let alone the fish, and you want me to what? cut it open and pull STUFF out.

    Kill me, please. hehe

    Your story was fun, but I am going to pass on the camping... unless there are showers and toilets within walking distance.
    ~2

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  13. My idea of camping is staying at a Holiday Inn instead of a Marriott. That's why we take so few vacations. Very funny and well written.

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  14. Love the vodka/Grandma joke!!
    Very entertaining piece (and I too confess to feeling a bit like this about camping...)

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  15. I love camping - including all the difficulties. So your piece made me smile :)

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  16. very funny - and the switch to confessional at the end, priceless!

    Thanks for the laugh

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  17. Oh, to be a fly on the wall during confession. I'm sure most would be pretty boring, but then you might occasionally hear something juicy or something entirely amusing, like your piece, and that would make it worth it. Nice work!

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  18. This was great and oh my gosh - I can SOOO relate!!!!! I am not a camper. Nope. I tried. Twice. NEVER again. It's the bugs and the bumpy ground to sleep/not sleep on and the bathroom issues. I just don't find it relaxing either! When Greg and I first dated he took me to this REMOTE area and said, "This is a great place for camping!" I replied, "I'm not going to pee in the woods. Nope. Not going to happen." We ended up finding a cabin - see THAT is perfect! I get to have a kitchen, bathroom, bedroom and then, go out and walk in the woods and enjoy nature. Lol.

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