Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Flash Fiction Ready?...of course...not

He pities me.
Oh, yes, working on flash fiction. Well, maybe not this minute. During a very short break that has lasted…um…about three hours, I found another diversionary tactic. I kid. I’m researching. Really. Even though it would seem that I’m just reading silly things on the net.

This is true: I once worked in a private school and would help the administrators fill out student absentee forms, among a billion other things. The letters from parents telling us why their child was not coming in that day were not particularly amusing. These are. I found them when I was goofing researching on a rinkworks site.

Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
-Those uppity veins! Should just mind their own business and get blood around and not harass people.

Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
-Not following the diet yet, eh?

Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
-Oh? Not British, then? Clip and tighten. Repeat.

Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak.
-Tommy, I think I know what’s on your Christmas wish list.

Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault
-Yes…and the Trojan missing in action?

Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
-I hate when this happens! Well since today is Tuesday, I guess I have plenty of time to write. What? Not Tuesday? Damn.

Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
-It’s always good to know your plans ahead of time. Makes life easier.

My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.
-Ah, bootcamp.

Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
-Did he miss the show and tell from last week? Better luck next time. And study better, not harder.

Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
-Ok. Enough said.

Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.
-Those study groups really take a lot of work.

Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever, and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.
-Love is blind. I sigh at the romance of it all.

Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.
-So glad to see doctors are making house calls now! Don’t have to bother with the getting undressed part at the office…


  1. Oh, Lord, this was so funny. The more I read, the louder I laughed. Thank you.

    Straight From Hel

  2. Reminded me of the GCSE English essay which read: 'Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.'

  3. عندما يتضمن البيت على الكثير من الأتربة فإن ذلك يُعد من أكثر الموضوعات التي تجعل رائحة المقر سيئة وتكون داع في حدوث الوضع الحرج في الموضع، مثلما أنها تعمل أيضًا على جعل الأفراد الموجودين لا يملكون مقدرة على تعمل الأتربة والحل هنا يتمثل في أن تقوم السيدة بفتح النوافذ يومياً في الغداة، إن تلك الأسلوب سوف تكفل لك تحديث الرياح الذي يبقى في المقر والتخلص من الرائحة السيئة التي تبقى به والتي تكون داع في حدوث الوضع الحرج في الموضع.
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