Thursday, September 14, 2006

Bringing Down the House

I was packing when I smelled something burning, and saw smoke wafting up the stairs. Oh. My. God. I was on the third floor so I started to run down the stairs investigating every room, thinking quickly about what I had managed to leave on that was now going to be the destruction of the house. Damn, I thought, if the house is going to burn down why didn't this happen BEFORE I killed myself packing!

Nothing on the second floor. I rush to the first floor and with heart thumping madly, called out to Lolly.

ALICE: WHAT IS BURNING?
LOLLY *sounding quite befuddled*: What?
ALICE: SOMETHING IS BURNING. WHAT IS IT? WHAT'S ON FIRE?
LOLLY *sounding thoroughly annoyed*: Nothing is burning. I’m cooking!
ALICE: Oh.
LOLLY: Do you want some?
ALICE: Uh. No.
LOLLY: It's good. You'll regret not having some.
ALICE: What is it?
LOLLY: Liver.

Of course, I always try to be a polite creature, so I keep an impassive look on my face. You know, one that doesn’t scream ewww! My face probably looks like it would be saying, Oh, thank you no, I am not hungry right now. Maybe later. But my mouth doesn’t seem to want to play along.

ALICE: Oh. Uh. Ugh. Yuk. Nooo. I don't think that I want to eat burnt liver.
LOLLY: It is NOT burnt!
ALICE: Oh. Well. I don't eat liver. It's against my religion.
LOLLY: Really? Since when did the Pope forbid eating liver?
ALICE: Well. O.K. But, you see, I'm a vegetarian. Yeah. That's what I am and that's why I can't eat your liver.
LOLLY: Really? Well, what about that steak you had last night?
ALICE: Er. It was my goodbye-to-meat dinner.
LOLLY: If you say so. What are you having later for dinner then, huh?
ALICE *hating what she has to say*: Well, I was planning on having lamb chops.
LOLLY: Oh? Still saying goodbye?
ALICE: Yeah. Something like that.

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