Douglas Adams Understands

Arthur felt happy. He was terribly pleased that the day was for once working out so much according to plan. Only twenty minutes ago he had decided he would go mad, and now here he was already chasing a Chesterfield sofa across the fields of prehistoric Earth...

Douglas Adams - Life, The Universe and Everything

Before I moved to New York City, I was a slave to a large house that was filled with too many things. Books, furniture, clothes, etc. etc. I wanted to get rid of it all, and while it was hard to do, it's been done. Now, I am staying in Deacon's apartment and I have brought some clothes and one sofa, though not a Chesterfield. A few family members ( mother and sister) are probably saddened by the thought that their Alice is basically homeless and living in a son's apartment. A real live Blanche Dubois, my sister described me to me recently. I do not think that is a compliment, right? I mean...

The difficulty with this conversation...is that it is very different from most of the ones I've had of late. Which, as I explained, have mostly been with trees. --Arthur Dent

Douglas Adams - Life, The Universe and Everything

Family conversations tend to revolve around the what ARE we going to do about that Alice dilemma. It seems that my out-of-orderness only seems to make sense to me. My conversations with them are never satisfactory, at least for them, I think. But that's because I'm out of practice, and I don't really know what I'm doing. More importantly, no one truly listens to anything I have to say. That's because I am wrong many of the times. But once in a while, I get it right.

What was that?" hissed Arthur.
"Something red," hissed Ford back at him.
"Where are we?"
"Er, somewhere green."
"Shapes," muttered Arthur, "I need shapes."
"This your sofa?" said a voice.
"What was that?" whispered Ford.
Arthur looked up.
"Something blue," he said.
"Shape?" asked Ford.
"It is shaped," he hissed at Ford, with his brow savagely furrowed,"like a policeman."

Douglas Adams - Life, The Universe and Everything

The other day I was sitting in a car with Lolly and we were waiting for Sarie to come out of work. Lolly was parked in a No Parking spot, and I was trying to tell him that it was a fire lane and we had to move.

LOLLY: Nonsense! We can stay here for a bit. We are both in the car and no one else is around so it's okay.
ALICE: No. Sarie warned me that we were not to park or even stand here because we can get ticketed, taken away in chains, and eventually drawn and quartered. That's what she said. No lie.
LOLLY: Rubbish! You are always so anxious and wrong about the silliest things. Just calm down and don't say anything more about this. You are NOT going to make me move with your hectoring!

Yes, yes, the professor said hectoring.

ALICE: Well, then. I won't tell you that a cop is tapping your window...
LOLLY: What? Where?
POLICEMAN: Sir? I've been tapping here for the last few minutes. Don't ignore me. Can't you read? This is a fire lane. No stopping, standing, or parking! Move it, please.
LOLLY: Sorry, Officer. Will do.
ALICE: Sorry , Officer. Please forgive him. He's deaf.
POLICEMAN: Deaf? Then he shouldn't be driving.
LOLLY: I am not deaf! She is saying that because she doesn't have a job and hasn't made, what I consider, a good faith effort to find one.
POLICEMAN: What?
ALICE: Sorry, again. He's also dumb.
POLICEMAN: Look, have you two been drinking?
LOLLY: No, of course not. It's four in the afternoon, you absolute . . . er, officer.
ALICE: He's not blind, though.

Sarie arrived at just that moment and we were allowed to drive away because she knew him. Before she got into the car she gave him the look that suggested, just think how I feel having to be related to them.