Foibles

Had to take another break from job hunting. Nothing but job hunting. So I was quite pleased when a friend called me to chat. Yay! A break from writing cover letters, and sending resumes, and never hearing from anyone. I get to have a conversation with someone other than myself.

So...my friend. She is telling me that several days ago, she had gone to a gathering. Since I am living vicariously through her, I am all agog that she got dressed up and went out and had drinks and stayed out late. Just like a big girl!

Friend: I am NOT HAPPY!

Alice: What happened?

Friend: A man fell on me at the party and I sprained my neck.

Alice: A man? Fell? On you? And, you SPRAINED your neck?

Friend: Yes, he was smashed. We were at a wine tasting party and, get this, he brought a 12-pack of beer. He drank them all. So, 180 pounds of drunk fell on me.

Alice: Did you know him?

Friend: No. I only know that he's a dick.

Alice: Did he offer to pay for your medical bill?

Friend: No. He's a dick.

Alice: Did he apologize?

Friend: No. He's a ...

Alice: Yeah. I get it. A dick. Are you alright, now?

Friend: Don't know. All I can tell you is that my doctor was standing behind me, crinkling my neck back into alignment and he was marveling over how bent out of shape I was. He was almost...laughing when I told him the story. I hate him. He's a dick, too.

Then she changed the subject. Told me about this guy that she had thought she was madly in love with and had been thinking about sharing a place with him.

Friend: Oh, he broke his ankle.

Alice: What! He's injured, too? Did it happen at the party?

Friend: No. He broke it while wearing clogs and doing Tai Chi.

Alice: Clogs and Tai Chi. Umm. Why?

Friend: Why was he doing Tai Chi?

Alice: No. Why was he wearing clogs? I mean, honestly...

Friend: Well, it was a choice between buying an earring or clogs.

Alice: He should have chosen the earring.

Friend: Oh, well, he did get one, too.

Alice: And you love him madly because...

My friend told me that she doesn't think she could live with him because he is too compulsive about many things. I privately thought that compulsive is not a word that springs quickly to mind. Schmuck does.

Friend: When we were discussing moving in --he nursing his ankle, I nursing my neck -- he handed me some sheets of paper.

Alice *laughing*: Pre-nup?

Friend: No. It was a household budget. He told me to please follow it carefully. Don't make any changes, he ordered. If you need to change a category, let me do it, he said.

Alice: How utterly, undeniably...romantic that is. I can see the attraction for you.

Friend *tsking*: Don't worry. I said thanks and when he hobbled out of the room, I dropped it into the trash. I don't think it will work out because...

Alice: You're not into clog-wearing, earring-wearing, obsessive compulsive tai chi-ers who are...dicks?

Friend: Something like that.