Saturday, September 09, 2006

Just call me...Pythia?

Questions. Yesterday was filled with questions. All directed at me. Here’s a sampling:

HOMELESS MAN: Uh. Miss Lady. Can you spare some change?
ALICE: *startled out of daydream*: Umm. Sorry?
HOMELESS MAN *bit put out that I wasn’t paying attention*: I SAID, can you spare some change?
ALICE *not loving the tone*: Maybe.
HOMELESS MAN *waiting*: Well. When?
ALICE *cheerily*: Soon.
HOMELESS MAN *frowning*: I want it now, Miss Lady.
ALICE: Don’t we all. Alright. Here.
HOMELESS MAN: Took you long enough, didn’ it?
ALICE: Not bloody long enough.

Back at the house:

REAL ESTATE AGENT: Where’s the electrical box?
ALICE: In the foyer.
REAL ESTATE AGENT: Why there? Why not in the basement?
ALICE: Umm. No clue.
REAL ESTATE AGENT: Where’s the plat?
ALICE *thinking hard*: Umm. No clue.
ALICE *interrupting quickly*: Umm. No clue.
REAL ESTATE AGENT *narrows eyes*: I didn’t get to ask the question. How can you have no clue to a question that wasn’t asked?
ALICE: I’m good that way.

Later, my friend Jane telephones:

JANE: I have a question for you.
ALICE: Okay.
JANE: What do you think the diameter of a cherry tree would be?
ALICE: Umm. No clue.
JOAN: Well, think about it. I need the answer.
ALICE *thinking and then deciding to google it*: Ah, here it is. It says from 1 to 2 feet.
JANE *quite irritated*: THAT can’t be right!
ALICE: Oh, why not?
JANE: That is way TOO much, don’t you think?
ALICE: Umm. No clue.

Then my friend Debbie calls:

DEBBIE: Hey, remember I was going to visit you today?
DEBBIE: Well, I don’t have the car because Aaron took it.
DEBBIE: So, I thought I’d take a taxi. Whadda think?
ALICE *thinking that this one is easy*: Sure. That’s great.
DEBBIE: But, I can’t take the taxi, you know?
ALICE *thinking, what did I miss? *: No. I don’t know. Why?
DEBBIE: Because I don’t have any cash on me.
ALICE: Oh, well, that’s alright. I’ll pay for the cab. Just come over.
DEBBIE: That’s great. But…no can do. You know why?
ALICE: Umm, no clue.
DEBBIE: Because I need to be here. Know what I’m saying?
ALICE: Ah. Sure.

I know understand what Tom Stoppard meant when he said, My whole life is waiting for the questions to which I have prepared answers.

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