Hello, again

I spent a great afternoon yesterday with a friend that I see a lot, but only at night. So we decided that since we are not vampires, we could venture out into the sunshine and meet for shoe shopping. After an hour of looking but not buying, my friend announced that she was feeling "peckish" so we went for a late lunch. Conversation was, as usual, wonderfully intense and she told me of a date she had been on recently with someone she had not wanted to see again, but thought another chance was in order. Actually this would be his third chance.

They met and at some point he stopped in a bar because he had to use the bathroom. He asked her to wait outside because he was just running in and coming out so that they could continue to wherever he was taking her. My friend waited and waited. Finally, she looked through the window and saw her date sitting at the bar. Drinking. She kept on looking at him and saw him drink away, then pay, and then come outside to her.

FRIEND: WHAT? You were drinking? I was out here? You were drinking?
DATE: I felt guilty.
FRIEND: Guilty?
DATE: Yeah. After I used the bathroom, I was going outside but the bartender gave me a look so I felt guilty not buying anything. I had to get a drink so the bartender wouldn't think that I just came in to use the bathroom.
FRIEND: But that's exactly what you were doing!
DATE: Yeah, but I felt guilty.

I was astounded that her date did not feel guilty about leaving her outside while he assuaged his anxiety over an anonymous bartender. I mean, if his feet couldn't or wouldn't lead him to the door, why didn't he just beckon her to join him in that guilty drink? My friend ended the date early – very early – and went home, disappointed at herself for getting involved in another bad date.

Apparently, he wants to see her again. He has sent her a text message asking her to join him — for a drink. She sent back an am not interested reply, though she is known for changing her mind again, and again, and again, after a cooling-off period.

And she has. Changed her mind, that is. She will be seeing him again tonight.

Douglas Adams knew it best, it seems. He has said that Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.