Monday, August 21, 2006

A Little Help from My Friends

Received a call from Lolly who told me that he had gotten a call from a Sol who was trying to place a client looking for employment in his (Lolly’s) office. Lolly’s organization only uses interns so he decided to talk about me to Sol. No, I thought, no! I will not go to another agency because it never works out. I have to spend hours meeting with eager recruiters who never call me back. So, no. Then I really listen to what Lolly is saying:

LOLLY: So I babbled on about all that you can do and he was very interested and he absolutely wants you to call him.

ALICE: I don’t want to do…
LOLLY: He really, really insisted that I tell you that he wants your call.
ALICE: I don’t want to do…
LOLLY: Today. Now. Hang up and call Sol. Now.

A few minutes later, I am dialing Sol’s number and thinking that maybe, just maybe, this might be a good thing. After all, Sol did insist that I call. Lolly told him all about me and Sol still wanted to speak to me so, yaay!

SOL: Who is this?
ALICE: Well you asked that I call…
SOL: I am confused. Who are you?
MY BRAIN: Hmmph. You are such a sad, sad, thing!
ALICE: You. Asked. That. I. Call.
SOL *was that a sigh I heard? *: Well, let’s start from the top. What are your skills?

Two minutes later:

SOL: Why now?
ALICE *confused*: Why now, what?
SOL: Why do you want to work now?

Well I am thinking that I should be truthful and tell him something along the lines of, Oh, I don’t want to work now. It’s just little things that are forcing me to find a job. You know. Collection agencies. Concerned parent. Scoffing children. Irritated friends. The usual.

But I don’t, of course. However when I try to answer, Sol cuts me off.

SOL: How much do you want to make?
ALICE: Oh. Well. You know, as John Ruskin once said, the highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it.

Sol does not say anything though I can hear heavy breathing, which either means that he is running on the treadmill while talking to me -- then I hear a groan -- or not.

ALICE: Oh. Um. Well, I am willing to discuss salary.
SOL: You are? So? How much? What is your range?
ALICE: Just. Not now. When there is a real job offer, then I’ll know.
SOL: Do you want to work as a temp?
ALICE: Yes. Yes. I do.
SOL *with an aha catch to his voice*: Well, we are not a temp agency!
ALICE: No? Then this call was a mistake.

In so many ways!

SOL: Obviously.
ALICE *quite irritated*: Tell me, Sol, why did you insist to Lolly that I call you?
SOL: I make so many phone calls. I remember speaking to, er, Lolly? And I am sure that I wanted you to call but…
ALICE: Well, you know what? I don’t want to be a temp. I want a permanent job.
SOL *happy*: That I can help you with! What kind of position are you looking for?
ALICE *sick and tired of talking to him*: An upright one.
SOL: Umm. Well, if such an opening comes across my desk, I’ll call you.
ALICE: Yeah. Do that.

When I speak to Lolly later and berate him for making me go through another impossible, asinine situation, he dismisses my rant with an arched eyebrow and wisdom obviously honed from his many years of experience with the human condition.

LOLLY: You just DON’T want to find a job and that’s why you behave like an idiot with people who can help you.

While Lolly talks and talks and talks, I am thinking, What! You mean someone like Sol? Help me? It was the other way around! Apparently I HELPED him! And unless I get a job as a phone sex operator. . .

Lolly has stopped talking, so it’s time to stop thinking.