Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Spending Time Usefully

Went to get the car registration renewed at the Motor Vehicle office in D.C. I’d rather eat glass than do this but I lost the scissors, rock, paper tournament so my failure meant spending a chunk of the morning being abused by the bitches nice DMV people behind the counter.

DMV bitch nice lady: WHAT can I do for you?
Alice: Er. Renewing a car registration?
DMV bitchnice lady:O.K.gimmeregistrationinsurance
driverlicensehowareyoupayingforthis?
Alice: Huh?
DMV bitch nice lady (sighing and glowering): HERE. TAKE THIS NUMBER AND SIT DOWN UNTIL IT’S CALLED. IT WILL BE THREE MINUTES.

I sit down next to a man who looks at me and tells me that his three minutes have turned into thirty. I sigh. A woman walks in and sees us seated along the wall and asks us if we are waiting in line. I look at my seat companion and he has the same expression I’m sure is plastered on my face. How CAN we be in line if we’re seated AWAY from the line, against the wall. Especially with stricken looks which can only mean we have already had the pleasure of conversation with the bitchesnice ladies.

Alice: Oh, no we…
Man: are not waiting because we…
Alice: have already been…
Man: well, you know, processed…
Alice: Yeah. Processed. You know, like cheese.
Woman: Cheese?
Man: Cheese?
Alice's brain: Oh please stop talking. I implore you to stop.
Alice (chastened): Oh, sometimes I try to be funny by saying things, you know, um, with my mouth.
Alice's brain: Please be quiet. Oh, please be quiet!
Woman: Really?
Man: Really?
Alice:: Um. That was one of those times.
Alice's brain: I really hate you sometimes. Many times if I really think about it.
Man: Oh.
Woman: Oh

An hour later with renewed registration in hand, I leave with the thought that I DON’T EVEN OWN THE CAR! Then it was time to take the car to be inspected. What’s worse than going to the inspection center on a rainy day? Having to return the next day (also rainy) because you drove off without allowing them to change the sticker on the car the first time.

Alice's brain: Need I tell you ONCE again how much I hate you sometimes?

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