Friday, August 11, 2006

Love and Coffee

Was reading educational stuff on the computer, heh, and Tiggy calls up and before I know it Eva, the nun,Tiggy, and I are in a Middle Eastern restaurant in Washington, D.C. because they want us to have Mama Ayesha read our Turkish coffee grounds. Mohammed, the waiter and Mama Ayesha's great nephew, has just informed Eva that Mama is no more. Eva is shocked. Tiggy is grieving. I am hungry.

Eva: How can that be? I saw her not too long ago. When did she die?
Mohammed: Oh, about eleven years ago.
Alice: Sorry about your loss. So let's order then.
Eva: No, we can't think about food right now. We came here for a reading, not food.
Tiggy: Well, I would like to eat something, too.
Eva: Not without a reading!
Mohammed: Well, I don't have as great a gift as Mama, but I could read a bit for you.
Alice: Done! Let's order!

Our coffees arrive. I drink it down in one gulp, swirl the grounds around the cup three times (as Eva ordered) and wait for Mohammed. He gives Eva and Tiggy pretty bland but apparently useful-to-them information and they are happy. It's my turn.

Mohammed: Have you been to Florida?
Alice: Never.
Mohammed: Have you been to a place recently where there was a violent storm?
Alice: No.
Mohammed: How about a horse. Mean anything to you? I see something equestrian.
Alice: No. No horses in my life.

Now I'm thinking this guy really, really sucks at this.

Then I remember that I was in New York City recently and we did have a major thunderstorm with so much rain that one could not cross the street without hiring a gondola. And, I saw a cop on a horse. Holy crap, this guy is good!

Mohammed: Ah. There is an evil eye over you.
Alice: WHAT!!! Oh, here we go, what is it with me and shit happening.
Mohammed: Calm down. Eye is not all bad. It can be good too.
Alice: Yeah? So why is it prefaced with the word "evil"?
Mohammed: This evil eye is actually guarding you. It is waiting in the wings and will make a move very soon. It seems to be infatuated with you and it means no harm. Be prepared. Big change is coming your way and you cannot stop it.
Alice: I can't fucking believe this!
Eva: Well, it means no harm, so what's the....harm?
Alice: Shut up.

It is now that I notice that Mohammed is really good looking. He has left us for a bit and Tiggy and Eva are trying to show me the bright side of things.

Tiggy: Well, maybe this evil eye will turn into goodness because if it is infatuated with you and you're such a great person...
Alice *interupting little Miss Polyanna*: Don't start with me, Tiggy!
Eva: You may think this is bad news, but really, be openminded.
Alice: What I think is that Mohammed is in the kitchen laughing with the cooks over the three retards at table ten who believe that he can read coffee grounds!

Tiggy: I enjoyed the coffee.
Eva: My bird's nest dessert was wonderful.
Alice: Hey, did you two notice how hot Mohammed is?

On the drive home, Eva tells us that she's trying to line up a tarot card or a palm reader for us. Oh, please, evil eye love, come and get me very soon!


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